Friday, June 8, 2007
The Problem is Bigger than I Thought
I was just on Facebook and was looking for an anti-high five group to join. I was completely distressed by the amount of pro-high five groups I found. What is the world coming to?
Thursday, June 7, 2007
No More High Fives, Please!
I have recently begun a crusade to decrease high fiving in my immediate surroundings. Well, I guess it's not so much of a crusade as it is a firm stand against high fives. There are just too many being thrown around. I mean, come on people, do we really want to become a society (or ward) full of The Todd's? I think not.
Lest you think my decision to boycott is hasty and unfounded, allow me to share with you several experiences involving the high five. These stories come from the last month or so of my life and are in no way exaggerated. As most of these stories involve boys from the ward (and I have recently discovered there is at least one ward member reading my blog) I will refrain from using names to protect the innocent....NO! not the protect the innocent. These offenders are not innocent. They are guilty of inappropriate and excessive usage of the high five. In truth, it's to protect me; as much as I dislike the high five, I'm not doing this to create enemies. So, if any of these stories sound like you, take a hint, repent, and join my crusade.
1. Walking through the parking lot on my way home from school I spot a young man from the ward jogging toward me. I said hi and he raised his hand for the high five. I reluctantly reciprocated and was punished with a stinging hand for minutes afterward. Not okay.
2. One of my home teachers--I've had six in the last month--came up to me at a ward function and said "How's everything going in the house?" at the same time he raised his hand for the high five. What was that? Not okay.
3. This same offender can't even give an appropriate high five. It's a limp fish high five! It never occurred to me that such a thing were possible. Defnintely not okay.
4. I looked fabulous at church--I can't lie--and more than one guy commented that I looked good with an accompanying high five. Not okay, in fact the incorrectness and awkwardness of the high five neutralized the compliment.
5. The high five manifested itself at the beginning of a date. I can't believe that I need to tell people that this is NOT okay.
6. I shared my testimony in Sacrament Meeting and was thanked with a plethora of high fives. Uh, not okay.
The list could go on and on and on, but I will spare you the uncomfortable details. These incidents are, like I said, not okay. If you think any of this is normal, I feel sad for you.
In few, very rare situations a high five might be warranted. Although cheesy, it is acceptable in a sports setting. I have had one chief offender argue that a high five is appropriate after a really good joke or clever show of wit; I suppose I can tolerate that. I will not tolerate the high five as a greeting, accompanying a compliment, or in church. No. If, in a social situation a guy does not know how to interact with a girl, giving a high five will not make the situation less awkward, in fact in magnifies the awkwardness. In addition to taking a personal stand against the high five, I am doing this to try to help those sad souls realize that their prolific high fiving is only hurting themselves. Want some friends? Or a second date? Or a first date? Eliminate the high five!
Now, a final word. As I have spoken out against the high five, many an anxious soul has asked what I propose replacing the high five with. Sadly, they do not understand that the high five has not been around forever and has actually become a substitute for more appropriate, traditional greetings. Try a hug, a handshake, a pat on the back, or friendly touch on the arm. One guy jokingly suggested that we replace the high five with the butt slap. It might be a little strange, but go ahead and give it a try. I would REALLY like to introduce the besos of european and lating cultures. They are warm and friendly. I mean, who doesn't want a kiss on the cheek? I love the besos but realistically don't hold out hope that many will adopt the practice. What I do hope for is an eradication of the high five epidemic that is among us. Friends and countrymen, just say no!
Lest you think my decision to boycott is hasty and unfounded, allow me to share with you several experiences involving the high five. These stories come from the last month or so of my life and are in no way exaggerated. As most of these stories involve boys from the ward (and I have recently discovered there is at least one ward member reading my blog) I will refrain from using names to protect the innocent....NO! not the protect the innocent. These offenders are not innocent. They are guilty of inappropriate and excessive usage of the high five. In truth, it's to protect me; as much as I dislike the high five, I'm not doing this to create enemies. So, if any of these stories sound like you, take a hint, repent, and join my crusade.
1. Walking through the parking lot on my way home from school I spot a young man from the ward jogging toward me. I said hi and he raised his hand for the high five. I reluctantly reciprocated and was punished with a stinging hand for minutes afterward. Not okay.
2. One of my home teachers--I've had six in the last month--came up to me at a ward function and said "How's everything going in the house?" at the same time he raised his hand for the high five. What was that? Not okay.
3. This same offender can't even give an appropriate high five. It's a limp fish high five! It never occurred to me that such a thing were possible. Defnintely not okay.
4. I looked fabulous at church--I can't lie--and more than one guy commented that I looked good with an accompanying high five. Not okay, in fact the incorrectness and awkwardness of the high five neutralized the compliment.
5. The high five manifested itself at the beginning of a date. I can't believe that I need to tell people that this is NOT okay.
6. I shared my testimony in Sacrament Meeting and was thanked with a plethora of high fives. Uh, not okay.
The list could go on and on and on, but I will spare you the uncomfortable details. These incidents are, like I said, not okay. If you think any of this is normal, I feel sad for you.
In few, very rare situations a high five might be warranted. Although cheesy, it is acceptable in a sports setting. I have had one chief offender argue that a high five is appropriate after a really good joke or clever show of wit; I suppose I can tolerate that. I will not tolerate the high five as a greeting, accompanying a compliment, or in church. No. If, in a social situation a guy does not know how to interact with a girl, giving a high five will not make the situation less awkward, in fact in magnifies the awkwardness. In addition to taking a personal stand against the high five, I am doing this to try to help those sad souls realize that their prolific high fiving is only hurting themselves. Want some friends? Or a second date? Or a first date? Eliminate the high five!
Now, a final word. As I have spoken out against the high five, many an anxious soul has asked what I propose replacing the high five with. Sadly, they do not understand that the high five has not been around forever and has actually become a substitute for more appropriate, traditional greetings. Try a hug, a handshake, a pat on the back, or friendly touch on the arm. One guy jokingly suggested that we replace the high five with the butt slap. It might be a little strange, but go ahead and give it a try. I would REALLY like to introduce the besos of european and lating cultures. They are warm and friendly. I mean, who doesn't want a kiss on the cheek? I love the besos but realistically don't hold out hope that many will adopt the practice. What I do hope for is an eradication of the high five epidemic that is among us. Friends and countrymen, just say no!
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